


Holtzbert Week 2k18

by Dreamshaper



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Holtzbert Week 2k18, Hurt/Comfort, Thanks to Captain Eevachu for organizing this again :D, a bit of everything :D, it's a mixed bag here, yay!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-05 08:29:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15166712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamshaper/pseuds/Dreamshaper
Summary: It's time for Holtzbert week! :D Six works to celebrate those two dorks in love.





	1. Her Side of the Bed

**Author's Note:**

> It's time for Holtzbert week! Let's celebrate this couple and one of the loveliest fandoms I've ever been part of :D

Erin and Holtzmann have been dating for a while, but this is the first time Erin actually takes Holtzmann home with her, and she’s nervous.

Not only is she nervous because she’s very aware of what taking Holtzmann to her home implies for later in the evening - she knows Holtzmann won’t do anything she’s not comfortable with, and so far, the engineer has been nothing but patient with her - but also because of the state of her home; she’s been to Abby’s home and to Patty’s since the Ghostbusters have been formed, and she’s realized how sterile and empty her own apartment is in comparison, looking more like a hotel room than an actual place someone has been living in for years. 

She knows Holtzmann won’t judge her, but it still makes her feel bad, and she wonders how much the sight of her apartment will reveal, if Holtz just has to take one long and immediately realize just how sad and lonely and pathetic Erin’s life exactly has been before the Ghostbusters.

Still she’ll go through with it, she tells herself that she can do this as they pack up at the end of the workday; and clearly, Holtzmann senses that she’s not quite as relaxed as she should be, and makes sure to stay close to her, holding her hand as they leave the firehouse together.

It’s taken Erin a bit to get used to these public displays of affection, but just being with Holtzmann has made this easier, the way Holtzmann is unapologetically herself no matter what and no matter where they are is helping Erin to do so, too; and sometimes she wonders if Holtzmann actually knows this, and how much Erin appreciates it.

She makes a mental note to tell her, in a quiet moment; right now though, they’re in a rather crowded subway, and so, Erin keeps these thoughts to herself, just holds on to Holtzmann’s hand and enjoys being so close to her. 

As they get out of the subway and walk the short way to her apartment, Erin starts feeling nervous again, but she tells herself it’s gonna be okay; still her heart is beating fast by the time she unlocks her apartment door, and she can’t help herself, but just has to glance at Holtzmann, has to see her reaction. 

“Oh wow”, Holtzmann says as she looks around the place, pulling her yellow glasses down slightly so she can glance over the rim, “now I’m worried about taking you to my place. It’s a bit more… chaotic than yours.”

“If your place looked like mine, I’d find that strange”, Erin lets her know, making her smile, “and I don’t mind. Not… not when it’s you.”

She blushes as she says the last few words, but Holtzmann just smiles happily, then leans in and kisses her gently; afterwards, they take off their shoes and Erin leads the way to the living room, Holtzmann looking at the lack of decoration on the way, not commenting on it though, but Erin can tell she’s taking in the bare walls and the fact that most of the books on her shelf are of a scientific nature, nothing which looks like it’s used for relaxation or to remind her of good times in sight.

“I know this looks like a hotel room”, Erin blurts before Holtzmann can say something, “and not like an actual home. In my defence, I wasn’t home much though when I still worked at Columbia, so…”

“Eh”, Holtzmann says, shrugging, “just let me come over a few more times and it’ll look much less neat and tidy. Unless you’ll kick me out then, or make me sleep on the couch.”

“I’d never”, Erin solemnly tells her, making her smile; they kiss again - before, during the few short relationships she’s had, Erin’s never enjoyed kissing her partner as much as she does with Holtzmann, and she steals kisses whenever she can - then they choose dinner, getting comfortable on Erin’s spotless couch afterwards, and immediately, Holtzmann puts her feet up on her living room table.

Erin looks at her mismatched socks, how she relaxes as she sinks further into the couch, and if anyone else had done this, she would have scolded them, would have told them to cut it out; with Holtzmann, she just smiles though, and snuggles up to her, a content sigh escaping her when Holtzmann pulls her close.

She still feels awkward about the sterile cleanliness of her home, but the feeling is fading, and after a while, it’s gone, and she’s simply glad that Holtzmann is there.

* * *

“I usually sleep on the right side of the bed”, Erin says hours later, as they are getting ready to go to the bed in question, “but if you prefer that, you can have it…?”

“Nah, left side is fine”, Holtzmann reassures her, making her smile; they haven’t talked about doing more than just sleeping, and just the thought of bringing it up makes Erin blush, so she doesn’t, and tells herself she’ll just see where things will go. 

She’s honest enough with herself though to admit that she  _ wants _ things to go farther; so far, all they have done is some quite heated making out and cuddling, and Erin wants more, wants to know what it’ll be like to have Holtzmann touch her, what the engineer’s mouth feels like on her body.

And so, once they have changed into their sleepwear and have gotten comfortable, Erin is daring, telling herself that she can do this; and so, she kisses Holtzmann, a slow and deep kiss, and Holtzmann responds at once, and runs her hand up Erin’s side, leaving a trail of fire behind.

She can’t quite remember the last time such a simple touch has made her react like this, but it makes her burn, and she wants more, and Holtzmann fulfils her unspoken wish; it’s the first time they do this, but Holtz is quick to pick up on what Erin likes, and it doesn’t take long until she’s moaning beneath her skilled hands and mouth.

Afterwards, Erin can’t talk for a while, and just lies there, breathing heavily, heart racing in her chest for a reason much more pleasant than worries and doubts; and once she has recovered enough, she moves to repay the favour, and when she makes Holtzmann moan for the first time, she’s happy and proud, eager to make the sound happen many more times.

* * *

In the next morning, Erin is the first to wake up; Holtzmann is curled up against her side, her head resting on Erin’s shoulder and she’s actually drooling, but even though it should be gross, Erin doesn’t mind, feeling too relaxed and content to be bothered by a bit of drool.

_ Not to mention that Holtzmann’s drool has been on other places of your body yesterday,  _ she thinks to herself, blushing; she allows herself to just lie there a bit longer, enjoying the feeling of Holtzmann’s body against hers, and thinks back to the previous night.

Then, Holtzmann stirs next to her, and lets out an adorable grunting sound; she opens her eyes and, to Erin’s amusement, actually flushes when she realizes she’s been drooling, hurriedly wiping her mouth and chin - something, Erin notes, she hasn’t done the previous night, after her mouth had been busy at other places.

“Uh, sorry about that”, Holtzmann says, sounding a bit sheepish, “but, in my defence, I only do that when I sleep really well.”

“Good to know”, Erin smiles, making Holtzmann smile again, as well; then, she sits up and stretches, and Erin flushes again at her nakedness, glad that it’s Saturday and they don’t have to get out of bed anytime soon if they don’t want to.

“Next time”, Holtzmann says, turning to look at her, “I’ll mess up my side of the bed, I promise.”

“You can mess it up right now”, Erin tells her, tossing the blanket aside, smiling widely, not just at the way Holtzmann looks at her in response, but also at what the engineer has said, seconds ago.  
  
It truly is her side of the bed from now on, Erin thinks to herself as Holtz moves to kiss her - and she hopes it will be, forever.


	2. Emergency Room

“Alright”, Holtzmann said as she gestured at the proton pack, Erin watching closely even though she hadn’t done any work so far yet, “this is your basic proton pack, right. That certain baby is yours, and it got quite a slime shower during our last bust, so we gotta fix that, make sure nothing got damaged so it won’t malfunction during the next bust.”

Erin nodded solemnly, looking as focused as she normally only did when she was working on her equations; she already had started taking an interest into Holtzmann’s more practical part of the job before they had started dating though, and now that they were officially a couple, said interest only had increased, and today, after yet another successful bust, Erin had asked Holtzmann to show her some basics.

“First, to get at the guts, we have to remove the faraday cage”, Holtzmann let her know, doing so as she spoke, Erin nodding along, watching her every move, “I usually make the screws kinda tight, so it doesn’t randomly fall off when we run or something, so it’s gonna need some elbow grease to get it off.”

She twirled the screwdriver artfully, then got to work, removing the screws with a speed Erin admired; she smiled as Holtzmann worked, once again fascinated by how nimble her fingers were - and they were very nimble indeed, as she had learned the first time they had made love. 

_ No thinking of that now _ , she scolded herself, bringing her attention back to Holtzmann and her explanations, the engineer just having removed the faraday cage; she carefully put it aside, then pointed out where slime had gotten into the pack, followed by getting two of the soft cloths she used to clean them after she had asked the physicist if she wanted to help and Erin had told her she’d love to. 

“These get the slime out and are soft enough so they don’t damage the smaller parts”, she explained, handing one of them to Erin, “just don’t rub too hard anyway, some of these parts are a bit sensitive, especially the electrical ones.”

Erin nodded again, then carefully started cleaning, making sure to get every tiny bit of slime; she was a bit miffed at the fact that the slime was removed much easier from the proton pack parts then from human hair or skin - and usually, it was her hair and skin which got covered in the stuff - but figuring that this was also a good thing, considering how long the cleaning would have taken otherwise.

For a while, they worked in silence, side by side, getting rid of the slime which had gotten into the pack; then, Kevin called up from downstairs, letting Holtzmann know that one Doctor Gorey was on the phone for her, Holtz rolling her eyes at his inability to pronounce the name of her mentor.

“Be right back”, she then said, stealing a quick kiss and making Erin smile, “this shouldn’t take long, I sent her some specs for the new and improved proton shotgun and she either wants to yell at me for how reckless they are or she wants to tell me it’s gonna work the way I want it to.”

Erin nodded her agreement, quite convinced it would be the second option - Holtzmann was brilliant after all - and Holtzmann took the time for another quick smooch before she practically skipped down the stairs, Kevin smiling brightly at her as she approached his desk. 

“Thanks Kev”, Holtzmann said as she took the receiver, Kevin giving her a bright smile in response; Holtzmann grinned back at him, then greeted her mentor, able to tell at once that it would be good news just from how Dr Gorin sounded when she said “Hello, Jillian”. 

“You did good with the updated shotgun”, her mentor confirmed this impression, Holtzmann smiling proudly to herself at her end of the line, “I just suggest that you use less aluminum, it  might soften during prolonged use of the weapon. Apart from that, it’s very good work.”

“Thank you”, Holtzmann said, proud - it had been years since she’d gotten her doctorate and Dr Gorin technically had stopped being her mentor, but she still was proud each time the older woman praised her like that, “I’ll get to work on it immediately then, Erin’s gonna love it.”

“Give my best to Dr Gilbert”, Dr Gorin gave back, Holtzmann reassuring that she would… and just when she hung up, she heard the low thump from upstairs, and even though it could have been a dozen things which had caused that noise, Holtzmann somehow suddenly just knew it was something bad.

She let the receiver drop, not even bothering to hang up properly, and raced up the stairs, hoping that she was just overreacting and that it was nothing… only to find the proton pack smoking on the workbench - and Erin on the floor next to it, motionless. 

“Oh my God”, the engineer brought out in an oddly breathless voice, able to tell at once what had happened; she rushed to Erin’s side, so fast she nearly tripped over her own feet, her heart racing in her chest so fast it hurt as she fell to her knees next to the physicist. 

“Oh my God”, she said again when Erin didn’t react the slightest to Holtzmann grabbing her arm and checking for a pulse, “Erin? Erin, sweetheart, come on, wake up. Come on, please? Abby!  _ Abby, Patty, call an ambulance, now!” _

Patty came running up the stairs while Abby rushed to the phone, having heard the panic in Holtzmann’s voice; and while she called 911, Patty tried to calm Holtzmann down, the engineer close to a full blown panic attack at this point, cursing herself for having let this happen, just sure that it was all her fault and that she never should have let Erin work on the pack alone.

* * *

“Holtzy, please sit down”, Patty said in a deliberately calm and reasonable voice, Abby nodding her agreement; Holtzmann apparently hadn’t even registered her words, still marching up and down, fiddling nervously with the hem of her jacket as she kept pacing up and down in the hospital hallway.

“She’s gonna be fine, Holtz”, Abby added, hoping to get through to the engineer - she knew that Holtzmann didn’t like hospitals on the best of days, and the fact that this time, she had to be here because Erin had gotten hurt certainly didn’t help, “she already came back around in the ambulance. She’s gonna be fine, I promise.”

Finally, Holtzmann stopped her pacing, and turned to look at the two women; and the pain in her eyes made their hearts clench up, an audible tremble in Holtzmann’s voice when she responded.

“It’s my fault”, she said, earning confused looks from both Abby and Patty, “I shouldn’t have left her alone, she was helping me fix it after the bust, cleaning it and… She got electrocuted, cause I didn’t tell her enough, so she must have touched the wrong thing and it’s my fault, it’s my fault cause I left her alone and didn’t tell her everything and if she’s not fine it’ll be my fault…”

“Holtzy, no”, Abby said, both Patty and she getting up and moving to hug the engineer; Holtzmann was close to hyperventilating at this point, eyes glistening with unshed tears, both women only now realizing how heavy the guilt she felt weighed on her shoulders. 

“It’s not your fault”, Patty said, rubbing the smaller woman’s back soothingly, “and Erin knows this, too. If you had known this could happen, you never would have let her out of your sight.”

Holtzmann looked as if she wanted to protest, but before she could do so, the door leading to the restricted emergency room area opened and a doctor stepped outside, a stern looking woman who appeared to be Dr Gorin’s age; she glanced at them and asked if they were here for Erin Gilbert, all three of them nodding, Holtzmann barely noticed how she held her breath as she waited to be told how bad it really was.

It was true, she still had time to think, Erin had come back around in the ambulance, and she had been breathing and everything even before that - but she had been dazed and disoriented, and Holtzmann found herself unable to stop wondering if some sort of permanent damage had been done to Erin’s brilliant brain, if the brilliance had been snuffed out by the shock the physicist had received.

If that had happened, it would be her fault, too, and she’d never forgive herself.

“Dr Gilbert is going to be perfectly fine”, the doctor said, and Holtzmann nearly cried after all at hearing that, from sheer relief this time, “we’ll keep her here over night, just to be on the safe side, and to make sure she has no concussion, but as far as we can tell right now, there will be no lasting effects from the shock she received. She asked for Holtzmann?”

Holtzmann just nodded as she stepped forward, not trusting herself to speak yet; if the doctor found this strange, she didn’t let it show, but simply asked the engineer to follow her, then led the way, Holtzmann silently trailing along behind her, her mind a whirlwind of emotions as she tried to calm herself down, not wanting to cry when she’d enter Erin’s room.

Thankfully, it wasn’t far to said room, and the doctor apparently wasn’t planning to enter with Holtzmann; she just gestured at the door, then retreated, Holtzmann taking in a deep breath before she opened the door and stepped inside.

Erin was sitting upright in bed, that was the first thing Holtzmann noticed, and it was a good thing; she was pale, that was the second thing Holtzmann noticed, which was less good, but she was smiling, and that was good again.

“I’m so sorry”, Holtzmann blurted before Erin could say something, practically rushing to the bed and grabbing the physicist’s hands, “Erin I’m so sorry, if I had known this would happen…”

“It’s not your fault”, Erin told her, the ease with which she forgave her nearly making Holtzmann cry yet again, “it was an accident, and nobody’s fault.”

“I was so scared”, Holtzmann whispered, Erin moving to embrace her in response, the engineer clinging to her at once, as if she was afraid Erin might float away otherwise, “when I came upstairs and you just laid there, I’m sorry…”

“I’ll be fine”, Erin reassured her, “in fact, I tried to convince the doctor I am already perfectly fine, but she insisted on keeping me here over night.”

“Yeah, she said”, Holtzmann gave back, wiping at her eyes, still feeling as if she might cry any moment, the urge thankfully lessening though, helped by how quickly Erin had reassured her that she wasn’t blaming her, “and I’m staying right here with you, I don’t care if that’s allowed or not. I’ll handcuff myself to the bed if I have to.”

“I don’t think that will be necessary”, Erin replied with a small laugh, glad when Holtzmann smiled a bit as well at hearing her laughter, “and I’m happy about that, because I don’t want to be here alone all night. I’m not a big fan of hospitals.”

“Neither am I”, the engineer told her, still holding her close, “but for you, I’ll stay here all night. I’m so happy you’ll be fine, I love you so much and I don’t want to imagine how wrong this could have gone…”

“Please don’t imagine these things”, Erin nodded at once, earning another weak smile, “because I love you very much too, and I don’t want you to think about such gruesome things. Why don’t you kiss me instead?”

“Sounds good”, Holtzmann said, her smile widening further; then, she leaned in and kissed her girlfriend, feeling Erin’s hand move up and entangle into her hair, and even though she still felt bad and guilty about what had happened, her heart soared, filled with relief that Erin was perfectly fine indeed and that soon, they’d both get out of this place again. 


	3. Pride

“Woohooo!” Holtzmann cheered as she came rushing down the fireman’s pole, the rainbow flag she had tied like a cape to her shoulders fluttering, “it’s pride time, ladies! Are you ready?!”

“Hell yeah”, Patty said, grinning widely as well, “I’m psyched, this is the first time I’ll be part of the parade! I’ve only ever been in the audience before.”

“Same”, Holtzmann said, while Abby nodded; Erin only blushed a bit, and didn’t say anything, hoping no one would notice, but of course Holtzmann did, giving her a curious look before she sauntered over to her.

“You look nervous, cupcake”, she observed, Erin’s blush deepening in response, “everything okay?”

“I am nervous”, Erin gave back, fidgeting under the way Holtzmann was looking at her, as she always did, finding the way Holtzmann gave her all her attention at the same time making her feel special and oddly scrutinized, “because, well… I’veneverbeentopridebefore.”

Holtzmann blinked at how she had rushed the last few words out, and Erin realized that she had done it again, that she had babbled the words out too fast to be understandable; she cleared her throat, then tried again, managing to speak more coherently this time.

“I’ve never been to Pride before”, she said, blush deepening even further, and clearly, Patty took pity on her, piping up and making both Holtzmann and Erin look at her.

“Don’t feel bad, Erin”, Patty told her, making her smile weakly, “I know many straight people who’ve never been.”

Erin just smiled again and nodded, not saying any of the thoughts running through her mind in response -  _ Who said I’m straight, I’m very not straight, that is part of the problem, that and Holtzmann, if I was straight, I’d have nothing to worry about -,  _ and quite sure that she was hiding them well, since Patty just smiled at her again, then checked her watch, declaring that it was time to get ready afterwards.

Holtzmann could tell that something was still bothering Erin, by now quite good at spotting when Erin was nervous or uncomfortable and hiding it; she knew better than to simply bring it up though, and so, she kept her thoughts to herself, just giving the physicist a toothy grin instead of saying anything.

“Don’t worry”, she then said, Erin looking at her again and somehow managing to blush even deeper at what Holtzmann said next, “it’s gonna be fun, I promise. And hey! You first time at Pride and you’re part of the parade, how cool is that.”

“Pretty cool”, Erin had to admit, smiling; Holtzmann grinned at her again in response, then reached over the desk to grab her hands and pull her up from her chair.

Despite how good Holtzmann was at telling when Erin was uncomfortable or nervous, she was completely unaware of the jolt she sent through Erin’s body with that gesture.

_ Yup, _ Erin thought to herself as she let Holtzmann pull her up and lead her to the garage, where Ecto-1 was waiting, complete with rainbow flags and rainbows painted on it - easily removable, Holtzmann had reassured them -  _ I’m so not straight. _

* * *

It was quite well known amongst their fanbase and even the general public that Holtzmann was gay, and so, no one was surprised that the Ghostbusters were part of the Pride parade; they were all wearing their uniforms, adorned with rainbow buttons to show their support, Holtzmann being the one who stood out the most, with her flag-cape, and simply by being herself, as she stood up on the roof of the slowly driving Ecto-1, waving and grinning at the cheering masses.

Kevin was driving, and the other three Ghostbusters were up on the roof with Holtzmann, waving and smiling along with her, though with a bit less of her frantic energy; apparently, all of them had admirers in the crowd, judging from how people were calling out their names, but it was obvious that Holtzmann had the most fans, a myriad of female voices calling out to her, shouting out phone numbers and declarations of love and sometimes rather juicy proposals which made Erin blush.

Not that she couldn’t understand the women - several of the things the more daring ones suggested she would love to do herself, to or with Holtzmann - but she’d never have the courage to tell her, too afraid of rejection; she had come close a few times, when Holtzmann had been particularly sweet with her flirting and her compliments, but never had dared in the end, too worried about how Holtzmann might react.

Part of her knew that none of the team would judge her if she came out to them as bisexual, and said part also suspected that Holtzmann might even be positively surprised and thrilled to learn that Erin wasn’t as straight as she appeared; another, louder part remembered all too well though how her parents had reacted when she had told them, the casually said words which had cut so deep.

_ Is this like your ideas about ghosts, Erin? Your therapist did say that you’re craving attention.  _

_ You know that such lifestyles aren’t welcome at the good universities, right? _

_ It’s just a phase, honey, when you get older you’ll realize how foolish this was. _

Holding back the urge to frown, Erin pushed those thoughts aside, telling herself that now was not the time to dwell on such painful moments from her unhappy childhood; eager to distract herself, she looked at the crowd again, at the happy and smiling faces, almost automatically smiling again, as well. 

She smiled for about two seconds, then movement in the very front of the crowd caught her eye, a middle aged man apparently harassing two teenage girls, and thanks to the level of noise and everyone focusing on the parade, nobody appeared to notice what was happening.

Without thinking about it, and about possible consequences, Erin hopped off the Ecto-1 and rushed to where the man had now grabbed one of the girls by the arm; by now, people around them also noticed that something was wrong, but Erin didn’t wait to see if any of them would do anything, and didn’t react to the startled calls from the other Ghostbusters, all her attention focused on the man and on the fear she could see on the faces of the two girls.

The guy had a second to register that a pissed off Ghostbuster was storming towards him - then she had reached him and, without missing a beat, pulled back and punched him, the crowd gasping while Holtzmann actually hooted from the car’s roof.

“Erin!” Abby cried out, snapping out of her shocked stupor, jumping off the car and rushing to where Erin stood, shaking out her fist; the crowd had been too tightly packed to let the man actually fall, but he looked dazed, his eyes oddly unfocused, showing that Erin had landed quite the hit. 

“He was harassing those two girls”, Erin said, while a bunch of security people came running; the girls nodded their agreement, and voiced their thanks, two of the security guys grabbing the groaning man in response and dragging him off, complaining about protesters sneaking into the crowd like that as they pulled him away.

“He kept telling us that we’d go to hell, that we’re sick and need to pray”, one of the two girls, the one who seemed less shaken by the experience, said; disgusted, Erin shook her head, and the girls thanked her again, both of them able to smile again already, glad that the guy had been taken care of.

“Enjoy the rest of the parade”, Erin said to the two girls, making them smile once more, their smiles widening at what she said next, “and visit us at the firehouse some time, okay?”

“We will!” they chorused, making Erin smile as well; she gave them a little wave, then Abby and she hurried to catch up with the Ecto-1, Patty helping Abby up while Holtzmann reached down to help her up on the roof, grinning at her in a way which made her heart race.

Perhaps, she’d think later, it was the adrenaline from punching that guy, or the positive mood all around them, or a mix of both, which made her act so recklessly; seeing the grin on Holtzmann’s face and the sparkle in her eyes made her forget all her fears and worries, at least for a few seconds.

Just long enough for her to lean in and kiss Holtzmann, the crowd around them cheering wildly; Holtzmann herself was surprised, Erin could tell, but only for a moment or two - before she kissed her back, and Erin could feel her smile into the kiss, and it made her heart soar.

“I knew it!” Abby shouted as they pulled apart again at last, Erin blushing as she looked at her friend, “I knew you have a thing for Holtz, you kept giving her those looks, but Patty wouldn’t believe me. I knew it!”

“Girl, I thought she’s straight”, Patty defended herself, “and she never said otherwise, not even today right before Pride!”

“Well, I’m not”, Erin mumbled, blush deepening when this only made Holtzmann grin wider, “I, uh… I’m bisexual, actually. I guess I just came out. Fitting, seeing we’re at Pride, huh?”

She laughed nervously, waiting for the reaction, for the judgement and the comments on how this was just a phase, a cry for attention; instead, Abby let out an “awww” sound, then pulled Erin into a hug, making her smile again as she returned the embrace.

“I’m so happy you told us”, Abby said, Patty nodding excitedly, joining the embrace and making it a group hug, pulling Holtzmann into it, too, “that was brave, and good, go Erin!”

“Go Erin, indeed!” Holtzmann said, smiling and nodding - before she seemed to spot something of interest, since she hopped off the car and rushed to the crowd, Erin watching her in confusion, wondering what she was up to now.

She watched how the engineer talked to someone in the audience, posed for a picture with the girl and scribbled her signature onto the girl’s forearm, frowning at the sight - before the girl gave Holtzmann something, a folded piece of cloth, the engineer grinning as she came running back to the car and climbed up onto it.

“Lookie here”, she said proudly, unfurling the piece of cloth, “it’s a flag with the bisexual colours! So we both have an awesome cape, Erin. But! I’ll only give it to you under one condition.”

“Oh?” Erin said curiously, “which condition?”

“Kiss me again?” Holtzmann replied hopefully, “and go on a date with me? Please?”

“Those are two conditions”, Erin did the math for her, making her shrug and let out a “psh” sound, “but yes to both.”  
  
She leaned in and kissed her again, prompting cheers from the audience again; and afterwards, Holtzmann tied the flag to her shoulders, and held her hand for the rest of the parade, and Erin couldn’t remember a time when she had been happier. 


	4. High School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All my knowledge about American High School comes from questionable teen movies, so I decided to take a slightly different route for this prompt :D I hope it still counts :D

“This is awful, a nightmare”, the principal of the high school which had called the Ghostbusters for help told the group, wringing her hands, “the swim team is refusing to go near the pool, too much has happened in the past few weeks. Please, you’ve got to help us.”

“This is what we are here for”, Patty reassured her, the other three nodding; as most times, they left most of the talking to her, since she had the best people skills of the four, with Abby sometimes being a bit too blunt, Erin tending to get nervous and Holtzmann sometimes confusing their clients, simply by being her usual, eccentric self. 

“So the ghost is haunting the swimming pool”, Patty continued, making the principal nod in dismay, “did anything happen there before the haunting started? We need to know if it’s a recent ghost or an older entity, the older they are, the stronger they might be.”

“There was an accident”, the principal let them know, grimacing as she thought back to it, “a girl apparently decided she wanted to go for a late night swim and drowned. She’d just tried out for the swim team a day earlier…”

“That might be your ghost then”, Erin said, making the other woman nod; none of the Ghostbusters was happy about having to bust a ghost in a place with so much water, but Holtzmann had reassured them it would be okay for as long as none of them fell right into the pool, the engineer confident that the proton packs would withstand the increased humidity in the hall.

“Don’t worry”, Abby said, making the principal look at her, “we’ll take care of this ghost for you, then your swim team can make use of the pool again.”

“Thank you”, the principal sighed, then offered to show them the way; figuring they could find it on their own and not wanting to endanger the woman by bringing her close to a malevolent ghost, the Ghostbusters declined, letting her know they’d inform her as soon as the ghost had been dealt with.

Once the woman had nodded her agreement, the four of them left her office and made their way to the swimming pool; they only had been called after the classes of the day were over and so, the hallways were empty, but still Erin felt taken back to her days at high school, and the memories weren’t pleasant.

The fact that this high school looked very much like the one she had gone didn’t help, and she almost expected a group of bullies to appear out of nowhere, point at her and laugh at her, call her Ghost Girl again; the Ghostbusters had been working on reclaiming that nickname, make it less negative for her, and their efforts were paying off, but still being in a location so similar to the one where she had been tormented for years made her think back to all the negativity she associated with the nickname. 

Easily able to sense the discomfort her girlfriend was feeling, Holtzmann made sure to stay by her side; if they hadn’t been on the job, she would have taken her hand, but figured that this wasn’t exactly appropriate, even if it was just the four of them, and so, she just reached out and put a comforting hand on Erin’s shoulder, smiling at her when the physicist gave her a brief, but grateful smile.

“Pool’s over there”, Abby called out, distracting the two from each other, “man, I can smell the chlorine from here. I’ve never liked that smell.”

“Me neither”, Patty said, grimacing at the next thought she had, “and this is super dark, sorry in advance, but they probably had to refill the pool after that poor girl drowned, and add a bit more than usual. That’s why the smell is so strong, too.”

“That poor girl indeed”, Erin said, with a grimace of her own at what Patty had said, “but I guess you’re right. Jesus, imagine how scared she must have been, no surprise she’s haunting the place now.”

“PKE meter isn’t showing anything yet”, Abby said, holding the equipment up and looking at the display, “but we know how fast that can change. Unless she knows who we are and is staying hidden.”

As if to prove her wrong, the PKE meter in her hand lit up, and began to spin; they all paused to look at it, then Holtzmann said “guess not”, making the other three smile slightly at her dry tone.

They all looked around, trying to spot the ghost, unable to see the telltale blue glow though; the way the PKE meter kept spinning showed them though that the ghost was still there with them somewhere, and they wondered if she just didn’t want to show herself - or if she was hiding somewhere, getting ready to attack. 

Erin turned in a circle, worried that they might miss something and get surprised; and just when she had finished a full circle, Holtzmann suddenly grabbed her arm, and pointed to the pool with her other hand, Patty letting out an audible gasp as she saw the same thing Holtzmann had noticed.

The water in the pool was churning wildly, as if boiling, the blue glow coming from within the depths now, giving the pool an almost creepy look… and letting them see the vague outline of a body, floating in the water.

“Did someone else…?” Abby started, then fell silent as the body began to move, answering her question before she could even finish it; it rose from the water and floated upwards, until it hung a good five foot over the pool, cold eyes focusing on the Ghostbusters, no drops falling from the translucent body.

“Guess we found our ghost”, Holtzmann commented, eying the pool with dismay, worried about what the water might do to the proton packs - she wasn’t worried about the general humidity in the pool hall, but direct contact with water was another thing, and she shot warning glances to the others, hoping they all would be able to avoid falling into the water. 

“Okay guys”, she said out loud, not bothering if the ghost heard her or not, figuring it didn’t make much of a difference, “try not to get the packs wet, no falling into the pool please. And don’t aim the streams right at the water.”

“Gotcha”, Patty gave back, not taking her eyes off the ghost for even a second; the ghost girl made no move to attack them though, but just floated there, looking at them, and all at once, Erin felt chills run up and down her back, as she saw no malevolence in her eyes, but just a deep sadness.

“Guys”, she started, suddenly not so sure anymore if busting or trapping this ghost was the right thing to do, “just wait a second, don’t fire. I want to… talk to her.”

“You remember what happened when you tried to talk to the ghost of Gertrude Aldridge, right”, Abby gave back, sceptical; Erin just shrugged, not looking away once, keeping her eyes on the ghost as she slowly holstered her proton wand, then took a step forward, raising her hands to show she meant no harm.

“Hello”, she said, figuring that this was a good start, “I’m Erin, um, Erin Gilbert. Can you speak? Tell us your name?”

The ghost just stared at her, unnerving her quite a bit, but she tried hard not to let it show; lowering her hands again, she resisted the urge to play with the strap of her proton pack, clearing her throat before she went on.

“If you can’t, it’s okay, too”, she said, the ghost not visibly reacting, but not breaking the unsettling eye contact, either, “we’re here to help, you know. We were called by the principal, because of your accident, and…”

The ghost’s eyes flashed up red, signalling clearly that Erin had said or done something upsetting; she had a second for her own eyes to widen - then the ghost rushed at her and grabbed her, a yelp coming from her as she was dragged up into the air with supernatural strength, the ghost dangling her over the pool, cold gaze focusing on the other Ghostbusters before they could say or do anything. 

“Try anything and I’ll drop her”, she threatened, Erin stopping her struggling as she realized what would happen if she did get dropped into the pool, “you all know what will happen then.”

“Put her down”, Holtzmann demanded, mind racing as she tried to figure out what to do - using their weapons wasn’t an option, not with the ghost holding Erin in front of her like some sort of human shield, and over a pool filled with water which would end up deadly for Erin, should the ghost drop her, “we’re just here to help, we can help you, too, but not if you hurt her.”

“Help me, with those guns you carry?” the girl wanted to know in reply, eyes flashing up red again, “I find that hard to believe.”

“Those are for malevolent ghosts”, Patty pointed out, like Holtzmann trying hard to sound calm and reasonable, “right up until you grabbed our friend, you didn’t seem all too malevolent. Put her down on the ground again, and we can talk.”

“It wasn’t an accident, was it”, Erin spoke up before the ghost could say something in response to Patty, well aware of what she was risking with saying this so bluntly, but realizing that it probably was her only shot to get out of this without actually getting dropped into the pool, “what happened to you here.”

The ghost froze in response, her hold on Erin momentarily tightening, the physicist taking this is a sign that her hunch had been right, and she took in another deep breath, speaking on before the ghost could do anything else, like drop her into the pool.

“We can help you”, she said, the other Ghostbusters nodding at once, realizing that Erin was on to something, “tell us what happened, then we can make sure there’ll be justice. And you won’t have to haunt this place any longer.”

“I won’t tell”, the ghost gave back after a moment of pause, Erin unable to hold back a flinch when the apparition began to move, relieved though when she realized the ghost was moving towards the edge of the pool, dropping her down once they weren’t over the water anymore - before she rushed at her again, not to grab her this time, but to possess her, her breath getting caught in her throat as it felt as if ice water was replacing the blood in her veins.

A few steps behind her, she could hear Holtzmann call out her name, and heard a brief scuffle as Abby and Patty kept the engineer from rushing at them, both of them sensing that there was a reason for the possession which had nothing to do with malevolence; Erin staggered as the ghost’s mind collided with hers, and she heard her voice again, speaking right in her mind this time.

_ I’ll show you. _

She knew the feelings which flooded her well, unable to hold back a gasp at the enormous loneliness, the despair and the pain; she had felt all of this too, after all, during her years at high school, until Abby had started going there too and had become her only friend.

The ghost showed her what exactly had been done to her, the constant bullying and the isolation… and then it showed her what had happened at the pool, and by the time it was done, Erin had tears in her eyes, breathing heavily as she had slumped down to her knees next to the pool 

“Erin!” she heard Holtzmann say as the ghost removed itself from her body, ending the possession, followed by the engineer’s arms around her a moment later; she realized how close to the water she was when Holtzmann pulled her back a bit, and clung to the younger woman, reminding herself of the fact that at least for her, this horrible time of her life was over, that she had a family now, people who cared for her and loved her.

“Erin”, Holtzmann said again, rubbing her back soothingly as Erin held on tight to her, “are you alright?”

“Fine”, Erin brought out in a trembling voice, wiping her eyes, “I’m fine, she didn’t… hurt me. Just showed me.”

“You’ve felt it, too”, the girl said, floating over the pool again, the water still and quiet now though, and the malevolence gone from the girl’s eyes, replaced with the sadness and tired resignation Erin knew all too well, from the times she had looked into a mirror back at high school, “the things I’ve felt.”

“Yes”, Erin confirmed, coming to her feet with Holtzmann’s help, the engineer keeping one arm around her now, not caring anymore if this was appropriate while on a job or not, “I’ve been where you’ve been. And I can’t even tell you that it’ll get better…”

“It won’t, for me”, the girl replied, not sounding all too upset about the thought though, “but if you want to help, make sure it becomes known. What happened.”

“We will”, Erin gave back, Holtzmann rubbing her back soothingly as she could tell how tense the physicist was, after what she had seen, “I promise. Maybe you can find peace then…”

The girl nodded, looking hopeful for a moment - before she faded away, the PKE meter going silent and dark again, Erin letting out another shaky breath as she ran one hand through her hair. 

“Come on guys”, she then said, Holtzmann giving her a look of concern, but not asking, knowing Erin would tell them once she’d feel up to it, “we have to talk to the principal again. I’ll let you know what she showed me on the way there.”

“Are you sure you’re okay”, Abby asked, with a worried look of her own, “you’re all pale.”

“Fine”, Erin told her again, managing a weak smile; Abby smiled back at her after a moment, still not quite sure Erin was as fine as she claimed, not having a chance to ask though as the physicist started walking, leading the way out of the pool hall and to the hallway which would take them back to the principal’s office.

“It wasn’t an accident”, she told them as they walked, swallowing heavily before she could continue, “it was… maybe a prank which went too far, I’m not sure, but there were others involved. And it was hushed up, made to look like an accident, so the swim team wouldn’t get into trouble.”

“Jesus”, Patty said, shaking her head, “I’ve known that kids are mean, but that must be a new low.”

Erin nodded, grimacing, managing another small smile though when Holtzmann took gentle hold of her hand; for a moment, all she wanted to do was to hug the engineer, hold her close and kiss her, but she told herself that this wasn’t the right environment for such displays of affection. 

“We have to tell the principal”, she said, making the others nod, “so this will have consequences for the people who did this. Then she should be able to find peace, too.”

The others nodded again, and Holtzmann gave Erin’s hand a reassuring squeeze; then, they reached the principal’s office and, after a brief knock, entered, Erin taking in a deep breath before she started to explain what had happened at the pool, what the ghost had shown her, the principal listening with growing horror, clearly not having had the slightest idea about what really had happened the day the girl had died.

* * *

Quite a while later, Erin had retreated to the second floor of the firehouse, sitting on her favourite windowsill there and looking outside without really seeing anything; even before Holtzmann and she had started dating, this had been her favourite place when she had needed time off to ponder something, and ever since she had gotten together with the engineer, her liking for this place had only grown, as it meant that she was close to Holtzmann even when the engineer wasn’t actually around, with all her projects and tools so close nearby.

For now, she was alone up at the lab, too, but she knew that Holtzmann would show up sooner or later, and make sure she was alright; Holtzmann knew her though, and knew that she needed a bit of alone time whenever she came up here, and so, the engineer gave her that time, and Erin was grateful for it.

She looked out the window again, thinking back to what the girl had shown her, how it had made her feel; getting lost in her thoughts, she didn’t realize how time passed, until she heard footsteps coming up the stairs, the noise snapping her out of her thoughts.

Turning her head, Erin wasn’t surprised to see Holtzmann come up the stairs; she smiled a bit to signal that it was okay, that she was ready for company now, the engineer smiling back at her as she stopped next to her and put one hand on her back, the way Erin leaned into her touch only another sign that her company was welcome.

“I was thinking”, she said after a minute or two had ticked by in silence, Holtzmann knowing her better than to push her, “about this poor girl. About what she showed me.”

Holtzmann just nodded, rubbing her back soothingly; Erin let out a small sigh, then looked at the engineer, and the decades-old pain Holtzmann could see in her gaze broke her heart. 

“All she wanted was to be accepted”, Erin said, revealing more now than she had back at the school; back there, she only had given the principal the cold, hard facts, enough to make sure that the actions of those involved would have consequences, but now, she had to get the rest off her chest, she knew, or it would crush her. 

“That’s why she joined in the first place”, she continued, Holtzmann still rubbing her back with soothing circles, “because she loved to swim, and she thought that would help her be accepted. Would stop the bullies. Instead they…”

She trailed off as she thought back to what she had seen, how some members of the swim team had told the girl that she had to swim five laps at night to be accepted fully… and how they, when she had been in the middle of the pool, had dragged the plastic cover over it, ignoring her cries and the increasing splashing as she had lost all orientation in the dark.

They only had realized what they had done when the splashing had stopped, and by the time they had gotten the cover back off, it had been too late.

“I can’t believe the coach helped them cover it up”, Holtzmann finally did say something, shaking her head; Erin sighed and shrugged, idly playing with the hem of her shirt, her gaze moving to the outside again, voice thoughtful when she replied.

“I’m not so surprised, you know”, she said, briefly glancing at the engineer before she continued, gaze now focused on her hands, “the teachers at my high school knew what was happening to me, there was no way they could not have known. It never endangered my life, not the way it happened to this poor girl but… They knew, and they didn’t do anything to help, either. If I had made different decisions, that could have been me, as well, dying as a teenager because all I wanted was to fit in.”

Not knowing what to say to this, Holtzmann just embraced her in response, glad when Erin hugged her back at once; and for a while, the engineer just held her, and Erin breathed in her scent, telling herself that these days of her life were over, in the past, no matter how much of the pain the encounter at the high school had brought back.

“At least we know the coach will have to face the consequences now”, she said after a minute had ticked by in comfortable silence, “and so will those who did this to her. I don’t even think they wanted this to happen, they thought it’d be a fun prank and… it went too far. But covering it up like that… No wonder she couldn’t find any peace after she’d drowned.”

“But she can, now”, Holtzmann told her, rubbing her back still and making her smile weakly, “thanks to you, because you were willing to talk to her when we just would have busted or trapped her. You were there for her in the end, you know? No one else was, but you, and you helped her. You’re amazing.”

“It was just a lucky hunch”, Erin gave back, shrugging, blushing a bit at this praise, “maybe because I’ve been there. I like to think I got over the bullying and the loneliness but… some of it stays with you, you know? No matter how old you get.”

“I know”, Holtzmann solemnly replied, reminding Erin of the fact that she wasn’t the only one who hadn’t had it easy growing up; she smiled weakly again, then pulled Holtzmann in for a gentle kiss, simultaneously reassuring the engineer and herself that these times were over, that they weren’t alone anymore, that they had found their family and each other.

And even though she still hurt for the girl and for what had been done to her, Erin knew that she would find peace now, that her ghost had been laid to rest when justice had been brought to those who had wronged her, and that knowledge, combined with Holtzmann being right there with her, made all of it a bit easier to bear.


	5. History Has Its Eyes On You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the prompt I struggled with the most - I'm not even sure this will count as actually filling the prompt, haha. I hope you'll enjoy anyway :D

For once, the firehouse was quiet, and Erin found this more unsettling than she would have expected. She frowned to herself as she realized fully how much she missed the music and clanging from the upstairs lab; there always was some sort of noise when Holtzmann was working up there, and the sudden quietness was so odd, it made her feel as if something crucial was missing, background she had gotten used to so much that she practically needed it for her work. 

“Abby?” she said when she found the unsettling silence too much to handle, “is Holtz alright up there? She’s so quiet.”

Abby gave her an odd look, but didn’t give an explanation for it; she just shrugged, then nodded, answering Erin’s question without bringing up any she might have. 

“Holtz is up on the roof”, she told the physicist, earning a confused look which prompted her to elaborate, “she’s working on the aircon, remember how it died during the worst part of the heatwave last summer? Holtz is juicing up so that won’t happen again.”

“Oh thank God”, Erin sighed, making Abby smile - they all still remembered the heatwave all too well, how they had been basically unable to do anything than lie on the floor, surrounded by a whole army of ventilators, and wait for the stifling heat to end, “I’m not sure I could have handled another summer like the last one without a working aircon.”

Abby nodded at once, shuddering at the mere memory of the horribly hot days in the firehouse; at least, the ghosts had been somewhat quiet during those days, but there had been a few busts, and the team had set new records for water consumption during said busts, the weight of the proton packs not having helped with handling the heat any better. 

“Well, as long as she’s okay up there”, Erin said out loud, making Abby shrug, then nod, before she told Erin that Holtz had water, Pringles and her portable MP3 player up there; figuring that Holtz would be happy up there then, Erin went back to work, even though she found it hard to focus, unaware of how Abby watched her as she sat there, staring at her laptop screen. 

Even though her gaze appeared to be focused on the screen, Erin wasn’t truly seeing any of the numbers and equations; instead, an imagine of Holtzmann had taken over her mind’s eye, a surprisingly detailed image of Holtzmann fixing the aircon, sweat glistening on her skin, muscle moving visibly in her arms as she worked.

She felt herself flush at these thoughts, and quickly took a gulp from her glass of cold water, glad it was at hand; she ran one hand through her hair in a helpless attempt to get her mind back on track, still not noticing how Abby was watching her, and completely missing how the researcher rolled her eyes, not needing the skill to read minds to know what Erin was thinking.

Abby knew her, after all, and knew well what it meant when she flushed like that, from her chest all the way to her hairline, and it wasn’t the first time she caught Erin thinking about or reacting to Holtzmann like that.

The fact that she knew her though also was what motivated her to keep quiet, as she knew that Erin would say or do something all on her own, once she felt ready; it might take longer than usual, what with Holtzmann being a woman and Erin, despite having been well aware of her bisexuality for decades now, not having much experience when it came to dating women, the fact that Holtzmann was a friend and co-worker certainly not making things easier.

The sound of raindrops hitting the window distracted Erin from her ponderings, and she almost shot to her feet, earning another look from Abby; this time, she noticed, but didn’t let it bother her, declaring that she would to the roof and make sure Holtzmann would go inside, all of them knowing very well that the engineer was prone to keep working despite the rain.

“Of course”, Patty piped up the moment Erin was out of earshot, smirking at Abby, “she’s only concerned for Holtzmann’s safety. This isn’t a reason to be close to her again at all.”

“Not at aaaall”, Abby gave back, rolling her eyes and making Patty snicker, “I swear to God, if these two dorks don’t figure this out soon, I’ll look them in a closet together until they make out. This has been going on for way too long.”

“I’ll help”, Patty reassured her, making her grin as well; and while the two high-fived over their plans, Erin made her way up to the roof, a bit stunned at how fast the rain had gotten so heavy when she pushed the door open and saw the floods fall from the sky.

She glanced around, wondering where Holtzmann was - she could see where she had been working on the aircon, the cover open and tools lying strewn around it, but the engineer herself was nowhere in sight - and if the blonde had gone back inside when the rain had started, somehow having managed to do so without any of them noticing, even though she knew how unlikely this was.

“Holtz?” she called out, stepping out of the meager protection the doorframe provided and into the rain; and just when she opened her mouth to call out again, a bit worried now at the lack of response, she heard it, and her mouth snapped shut with an audible click as this was the last thing she had been expecting.

A few feet away, Holtzmann was dancing in the rain, with her headphones on, and enthusiastically singing along; and even though Erin never had been big on musicals, she recognized the song, after all, Holtzmann and Patty pretty much had competed to see who could play it all the way through more often during a single day and who could learn the lyrics faster by heart.

“When I was young and dreamed of glory”, Holtzmann sang, turning in a circle with her arms spread wide, clearly enjoying herself, and clearly unaware that Erin was there, “don't nobody have control… who lives, who dies, who tells your story…”

She posed dramatically, and Erin’s heart flew out to her; and all at once, she forgot all about her worries when it came to her crush on Holtzmann, forgot all about how this might complicate things and about how people might react if they’d learn that two of the Ghostbusters were dating.

Not allowing herself to pause and think about what she was about to do, Erin got moving, walking through the rain with fast, determined steps; noticing the movement from the corner of her eye, Holtzmann paused and pulled one of her earbuds out, just having time to give Erin a questioning, slightly confused look.

Then, Erin had caught up to her and, without hesitating for even a second, grabbed her collar with one hand, the other moving around her waist - before she practically yanked the engineer closer and kissed her, part of her registering that they both were getting quite wet from the rain and that she could hear the song from the earbud Holtzmann had pulled out, but another, much bigger part was focused fully on how it felt to kiss Holtzmann, how good it felt and how good the engineer tasted.

_ History has its eyes on you… _

Holtzmann certainly hadn’t expected this when she had seen Erin march towards her, with a look of determination on her face not unlike to the one she showed whenever she aimed the proton shotgun at an unruly ghost; she hadn’t been quite sure  _ what _ to expect, but it certainly hadn’t been this, Erin just grabbing and kissing her like that. 

It certainly had been a surprise, and a very nice one, at that; and despite how surprising it had been, Holtzmann kissed the other woman back at once, wrapping both arms around her and pulling her close, until they were pressed against each other.

She found herself unable to hold back a little noise when the kiss deepened, not quite a moan yet, but not far from it, either; and judging from how she felt Erin shudder in her arms in response, the physicist had heard, and was reacting quite well to the noise. 

Finally, she had to pull back again, due to a lack of oxygen becoming in issue; she found herself unable to grin from ear to ear, and while Erin was flushed, clearly startled at her own boldness, she was smiling, too, showing Holtzmann that she had no regrets about what she just had done. 

“If I had known my singing would cause this, I would have done it months ago”, Holtzmann said, making Erin giggle and blush again; still she smiled as she reached up to move a strand of wet hair out of Holtzmann’s face, the engineer smiling again as well at the gentle touch.

“It was a combination of all, you know”, Erin let her know, “the rain, the dancing, the singing… and that I finally stopped thinking and just acted.”

“Wanna act some more?” Holtzmann gave back, wagging her eyebrows and grinning; Erin laughed again at her ridiculous expression, then nodded and pulled her close again for another kiss, neither of the two women noticing the rain anymore.


	6. Meet the Parents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another Holtzbert week comes to an end :) Thanks to eevachu for organizing this yet again :D This final one is a bit on the angstier - don't kill me please XD

“Well, that was pleasant”, Erin said as she grabbed her jacket, quite good by now at hiding the fact that it actually hadn’t been very pleasant, “next time you’re in New York, we should do this again.”

“Totally”, Holtzmann agreed solemnly, nodding for emphasis; Erin knew her well enough to know that she didn’t mean it, but her parents didn’t, and she was glad about it, not wanting to imagine the talk she might have had with her mother otherwise.

This wasn’t the first time that her parents were visiting and took the couple out to dinner, and Erin knew it wouldn’t be the last; and even though the relationship with her parents had gotten better ever since Times Square and the undeniable proof that ghosts were real, it still wasn’t as good as it could have been, her parents now not struggling with their daughter’s belief in ghosts anymore, but finding it hard to understand what she saw in Holtzmann, and why she couldn’t just date a perfectly nice guy again.

“Whew”, Erin let out as they had left the restaurant and were out of earshot, “I know they mean well, but it can get a bit tiresome. I know this sounds horrible, but I’m kinda glad they live so far away and can’t just drop by whenever they want.”

Holtzmann snickered and nodded, taking tender hold of Erin’s hand as they walked back to the firehouse; they had taken a taxi to get to the restaurant where they had met Erin’s parents, but the evening was nice, not too warm and not too cold, neither of them felt like waiting for a cab, and it wasn’t that far to walk, the couple enjoying the not uncomfortable silence with each other after the somewhat forced small talk during dinner. 

“You know”, Holtzmann broke the silence after a while, making Erin look at her, and immediately, the physicist could tell that saying whatever was on her mind wasn’t easy for the engineer, judging from how she was staring straight ahead, eyes a bit too focused for a simple walk down the street, “it’s a good thing they came this weekend and not the next.”

“Oh?” Erin let out, simultaneously reassuringly squeezing her hand, signalling her that she could go on; Holtzmann took in a slow, controlled breath, then looked at her, eyes still a bit too intense, but Erin didn’t look away, holding Holtzmann’s gaze, silently letting her know that, whatever it was, it was alright and she could tell her.

“Next weekend is an… important day”, Holtzmann told her, tone just stilted enough to let her notice how uncomfortable she was, “for me. I take a trip each year on that day, not far, but… I’ve always done it alone the past few years. I want you to come this time.”

“Okay”, Erin gave back at once, not even bothering to ask where exactly this trip would take them; Holtzmann, to her relief, smiled a bit, then pointed out this lack of questioning, the physicist shrugging in reply, squeezing her hand gently once more as she responded.

“I trust you”, she let the blonde know, glad when it made Holtzmann smile again, “and I can tell this is important for you, so of course I’ll come with you. No matter where we go.”

“Thank you”, Holtzmann softly gave back, then pulled her in for a tender kiss; and afterwards, as they kept walking, she started talking of her most current projects, not mentioning the important date and the trip again, but Erin found herself unable to stop thinking about it, wondering where the engineer would take her - and if it would reveal some part of her girlfriend’s past, Erin so far only knowing bits and pieces of it, and eager to learn more, even though part of her somehow already knew it would be painful.

* * *

On the day of the important trip, Holtzmann was oddly quiet and subdued the whole time, barely saying a whole sentence during the drive; anyone else might have asked her if she was sure that she wanted someone to come along, but Erin knew her, and could tell that Holtzmann was sure, and so, she just kept quiet as well, having her hand rest on Holtzmann’s thigh as the engineer drove, letting her know that she was there and that she would remain there, no matter what.

Her heart started to beat a bit faster when the car slowed down and she realized they were at a cemetary; still she didn’t say anything, but remained quiet, just watching Holtzmann as she parked the car, then killed the engine, resting her hands in her lap afterwards and staring at the steering wheel, the way her fingers twitched every now and then showing that she was uncomfortable.

“Alright”, she finally said, taking in a deep breath and looking at Erin, managing a weak, lop-sided smile, “here we go. Walk with me?”

Erin nodded, and they got out of the car together; for a moment, the physicist wasn’t sure if she should take Holtzmann’s hand or if it would be considered inappropriate, then Holtzmann ended her insecurity by taking hold of her hand, the dampness Erin could feel on her palm showing that she was nervous.

Holtzmann led the way, not saying anything, and Erin walked along with her, remaining quiet as well; they walked through the cemetery for a while, the ease with which Holtzmann found her way showing it wasn’t the first time she was going to wherever the narrow paths took her, Erin squeezing her hand every now and then as she could easily tell that this was difficult for her.

Finally, she stopped in front of a grave, swallowing heavily enough to let Erin notice; the physicist squeezed her hand again, then looked at the gravestone, and all at once, her heart was up in her throat as she realized why exactly Holtzmann had taken her here, on this day. 

_ Marcus Holtzmann _

_ 08.07.1960 - 23.05.1990 _

_ Joanna Holtzmann _

_ 13.09.1961 - 23.05.1990 _

“My parents”, Holtzmann softly confirmed what Erin already had been suspecting and fearing, “today’s the day they… car accident.”

She swallowed heavily and fell silent, and Erin’s heart clenched up in sympathy; she turned and embraced the engineer, glad when Holtzmann hugged her back at once, and rubbed her back soothingly, eager to give her some comfort.

“I’m so sorry, Holtz”, she said, pulling back just enough so she could look at her, her pain and sympathy only increasing as belatedly, the year of the accident registered; her eyes widened, and Holtzmann managed a wry smile, then a shrug, confirming what Erin had realized before the physicist had to ask.

“Yeah”, she said, gaze moving to the engraved dates again, “I was six. And in the car with them when it happened, the only one to make it out alive. I was in the hospital for a long time, then, since there were no relatives, I ended up in the system.”

Erin swallowed heavily at hearing that - this was not exactly new, she had known that Holtzmann had grown up in the system, but until so far, hadn’t had a true idea why, only a few vague hunches, the worst one now confirmed by the engineer.

“I was a handful, you know”, Holtzmann continued, looking at the gravestone again, “already weird back then, and the accident and what it… did to me didn’t help. Apparently even six year olds can suffer from survivor’s guilt.”

Not knowing what she could say to this, Erin just held her closer; Holtzmann buried her face in the other woman’s shoulder for a while, breathing deeply as she fought to keep her emotions under control, her eyes dry and her voice surprisingly steady when she looked up again and continued.

“I was moved from foster family to foster family, for quite a while”, she told Erin, not specifying how long exactly that had been, but the physicist knew it had to have been several years at least, remembering well what Holtzmann had said during her emotional toast after they had saved New York, “I guess I was… hard to handle. What with the mental damage and all my quirks and stuff. I felt like I’d never… belong, I’d just be too weird, I’d never find anyone to handle all of me. You know? Maybe my parents wouldn’t have been able to, either, maybe they wouldn’t have known what to do with a child like me. But… I’d fantasize, you know, about the happy home life I would have had with them if it hadn’t been for that accident.”

Erin just nodded, not knowing what to say and not sure if she could have said anything, had she been able to find the right words - thanks to the thick lump which had formed in her throat as Holtzmann had been talking, and she swallowed heavily, telling herself that she had no right to cry, not if Holtzmann handled this without tears. 

Despite her efforts, a tear or two escaped, and she wiped at her eyes, feeling bad for crying when Holtzmann appeared so composed; clearly though, the engineer didn’t hold it against her, only pulling her closer again, sounding thoughtful now as she continued.

“That only got better when I got to college, you know”, she said, Erin rubbing her back soothingly as she got her own emotions under control, “and started working with Dr Gorin. She was the first who could… truly handle me, you know? And who knew what to do. She helped me find a therapist, and she could see the talent behind my craziness, and nurtured it. I’m pretty sure I gave her a few premature grey hairs in the process, too.”

Holtzmann cracked a small smile at her own words, making Erin smile a bit again, too; then, the engineer’s gaze softened, and some of the pain faded from her voice as she continued.

“And then I met Abby, and it got even better”, she said, Erin’s smile widening slightly, “I don’t think anyone else would have taken the poofs I caused in the first few weeks at Higgins in stride as easily as Abby. And then you stormed into the lab, and Patty joined us and Kevin and… It all seemed to fall into place, you know? Sometimes I look at you guys when we have lunch or are out for drinks and I think… This is it. This is where I’m supposed to be.”

“I know what  you mean”, Erin gave back, voice hoarse from held-back tears, “and I feel the same. I think I already felt it when I walked into that lab for the first time to yell at Abby, I just didn’t want to admit it.”

Holtzmann smiled a bit again at that, and nodded; wiping at her eyes, Erin struggled to retain control over her emotions, having to take in several deep breaths before she could say something out though without having to fear she would burst into tears. 

“I love you”, she told Holtzmann, not the first time she said it, but somehow, the words weighed heavier now, in this place, with the memories Holtzmann had spoken of, “so much. And I’m so glad we found each other, and I’ll do the best I can to make sure you never have to feel left out or lonely anymore, alright?”

Apparently, she had said the right things after all, since Holtzmann smiled again and nodded; she pulled her close for a short, but gentle kiss, then looked at the grave again, Erin doing the same, wondering what the people who were lying there had been like, wondering how Holtzmann’s life would have been, had they not been ripped out of it far too early.

“I love you too”, Holtzmann distracted her from these ponderings, making her look at her again, “and thank you for coming here with me and listening to my sad ramblings.”

“You have nothing to thank me for”, Erin said, shaking her head, “I have to thank you, for bringing me here and telling me all this, I know this was hard for you. It means a lot and… if you let me, I’ll come with you every year. You shouldn’t have to do this alone.”

Holtzmann swallowed heavily in response, clearly not having expected this offer; she just nodded, now being the one who didn’t dare talk, and hugged Erin again, the physicist returning her embrace and holding her close, reassuring her that she was there and that she wasn’t going anywhere, silently hoping that she could provide some comfort and take some of Holtzmann’s pain away. 

And judging from how Holtzmann relaxed noticeably in her embrace, she could, and she was glad about it.


End file.
